Monday, September 21, 2009

Golly Good New Noises: Orson Welles Meets H.G. Wells.

As everybody knows, Google has gone hog-wild for ufo imagery lately:

The official reason released by Google is to celebrate the 147th birthday of the great British futurist, political theorist, and architect of modern science fiction HG Wells. Make of it what you will. Prior to the revelation of the Wells connection, All News Web, a bastion of stringent reportage if ever there was one, felt compelled to offer the following explanation, received via email from "Tina":
‘Tina’ has a university degree in marketing and came to work on the project which she declines to name via an initial position in the Pentagon's public relations operations. Her position involved relaying and rewriting electronic messages for distribution to certain world organizations regarding imminent open contact with an alien race. We are unsure as to why she has contacted All News Web.
According to 'Tina' the last and only physical meeting between aliens and the Government and indeed the only actual official Government recorded UFO landing and alien visitation in the last century up until now occurred in the early 1950’s. This was a meeting between three alien explorers and President Truman. The meeting involved some form of limited telepathic communication and involved the Aliens expressing relief that WW2 had come to an end. The aliens promised to return one day. The Aliens were about three foot and of somewhat classic ‘Grey’ appearance. Photographs were taken and these, which have been seen by a handful of media figures (Stanley Kubrick, Steven Spielberg), have become a basis for the traditional image of ‘Grey’ aliens.
The Aliens are believed to come from a planet about thirty light years away and it is unknown if they possess faster than light transport. 'Tina' did not receive any information on Roswell or any reverse engineering projects involving ET technology. She does not discount other informal alien or UFO incidents.
The aliens seek to establish ties with Earthlings. They are able to monitor the goings on here remotely and it appears they are at least a thousand years ahead of humans technologically
According to 'Tina' SETI is receiving and concealing regular explicit signals (and has been doing so for at least seven years) from this race that state that they are returning to earth in around four years (2013) and have spacecraft essentially mid-journey. The extra-terrestrials will land openly and in a way that will conclusively prove their presence and are doing so unilaterally. They have given the US government until then to prepare humanity for this event.
'Tina' alleges that some powerful security figures would like to thwart this open contact but are powerless to do so. Many figures associated with NASA and even the Pentagon are positive about the event and a conspiracy to hide the truth form the world’s population is not unanimous.
What all parties agree on is that the best course of action is to leave any announcement of the event to the absolute latest possible time so as not to frighten people or harm the economy.
Major churches have been briefed on the matter and are being given time to shift their positions so as to accommodate this new reality. The US Govt has been ‘requested’ to mend and clean up rivalries and conflicts in preparation and this extra-ordinary event and this is the primary reason for Barack Obama’s peace gesture to Iran and indeed his very presidency. Barack Obama is in almost daily contact with SETI and is communicating with the aliens directly.
The aliens indirectly contributed to the development of internet search engines and they are in limited contact with Google through SETI (and allegedly via NASA's Ames Research Center). They are able to access the internet currently and their involvement in search engine research is for the purpose of allowing them to understand as much about earth as possible prior to their next arrival. It is believed that search engine algorithms are somewhat based on the form of telepathic communication they use.
It is astonishing where a degree in marketing can take you nowadays. Anyway, as a birthday tribute to HG Wells, here is a link to the audio of a meeting between the great man and the equally great Orson Welles. The velvet baritone of Mr. Orson Welles requires no introduction; the voice of Mr. HG Wells transpires to possess the comforting quality of a pair of slippers combined with a dry sherry (and perhaps a loyal, heartbreakingly stoical cocker spaniel.) The prefix "Mr" is used a stunning amount of times in this short audio.

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